When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
