I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize