he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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