it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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