is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
where are you?
Hypothermia
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
