Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
