Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
