The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
