started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
