Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
