i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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