I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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