then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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