I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
