I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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