Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
