if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
