How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
