I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
