YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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