I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
