rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
