pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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