sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
