I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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