This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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