Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
