Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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