Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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