So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just tell him i said nine months
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize