His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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