If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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