I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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