when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
