I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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