My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
