Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
