it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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