I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this just has baby written all over it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
