So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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