You really coming over, don't trick.
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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