I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
