I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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