i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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