omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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