I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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