i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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