I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
