All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
