Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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