About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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