she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
