When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
