Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
