i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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