So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
