Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I won the penis lottery.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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