I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize