the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
