Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
