Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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