But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
