Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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