I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
