Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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