i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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