don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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