my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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