it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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