First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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