What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And then he peed in my hair
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